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User talk:333onlyhalfevil
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Time's A Wasting page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Look at what our editors have written at the User Submissions page. If you upload OC (Original Content, or something that you wrote instead of found on the Internet), be sure to tag it with the Category:OC category AND add it to the User Submissions page. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! Sloshedtrain (talk) 09:56, January 25, 2014 (UTC) Story deletion Your story has been deleted because it doesn't meet the wiki's minimum quality standards. Please revise your story accordingly before trying to reupload it again, through Deletion Appeal. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REUPLOAD YOUR PASTA. If you upload it again without any major changes, you'll receive a 1-day ban from editing, as per the rules. Read for further details on how you can improve your story/stories to make them meet our quality standards. "You know why he's here? Why he's investigating the broken rules? He's not paid or anything. He likes it. He gets off on it" (talk) 02:06, April 3, 2014 (UTC) RE: Sure! You're doing it right. Now, let's see...I'll reread and tell you along what weak points your story has. Imagine my bullets of truth piercing the weak points of the story and leaving it in shambles! -"Well, my experience with that game is excruciatingly horrifying"- Excruciatingly horryfing? Do you have any idea of how high that raises the bar? It's real risky to use phrases like this. On the reader, it creates expectations that may crash hard while reading the story, leading to one thinking of the author as misleading. I recommend you avoud this type of phrases. -"So, all the rage on this stupid game. Big deal. I decided to go check it out on the app store. Once it had been downloaded, I immediately became addicted. I would play for hours at a time. It was fun. After about a week, I noticed a few strange things. The background was a little darker, and the little bird would crash into the pipe about a second before the pipe was a threat." And so. You did that. You used periods. Over and over. And over. For the whole paragraph. At least it's only in the first. But it's very bad to do that. See? Remodel that paragraph so it isn't period after period. -"Then the scariest things happened."- There goes once again with describing something as something very high, yet possibly not living up to the expectation! Everybody has a concept of scary, and it's impossible for you to hit all of them. Some will be soiling their pants, other will be 'was that all?'. Yeah, avoid them. -"the whole 'dying gave one letter until it spelled a message' I'm afraid that this part came a bit forced. It has turned into a bit of a cliché to have a message for the player, specially when it came along with the decaying imagery such as the one you described on the bird. Normally it's one of those, not both, and the reason why is that it's hard to do it correctly when both are present. Either one gets too much focus, or neither does. Props to you for trying, though! That will be the hardest part to rewrite. I'm not saying to change the idea of the message! What I'm saying is that you may need some time to flesh it out. Trial and error, don't make only one possible text. Pass them to somebody for a critique, and see what they think. So, I think that's all I have to say for now. Need anything else? Sure, message me. "You know why he's here? Why he's investigating the broken rules? He's not paid or anything. He likes it. He gets off on it" (talk) 03:07, April 3, 2014 (UTC)